Splintering

by Guy Capecelatro III

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03:21

about

This album was written and recorded in the wake of losing my wife and partner Pam Raiford. With these songs I do my best to unflinchingly describe this ultimate loss as truly and clearly as possible.

credits

released September 4, 2018

Guitars and vocals by GC III. Vocals by 1 - Jocelyn Mackenzie, 2 - MorganEve Swain, 3- Chris Decato, 4 - Mische Eddins, 5 – Craig Werth, 6 – Mara Flynn, 7 – Scotty Houston, 8 – Carrie Bradley, 9 – Jim Rioux, 10 – Bree Scanlon.

All other sounds, production and mastering by Chris Decato.

Illustration and design by Alyssa Grenning.

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all rights reserved

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burst & bloom records Portsmouth, New Hampshire

Burst & Bloom is a small, independent record label and book publisher based in Portsmouth, NH and Monhegan Island, ME.

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Track Name: Crack it Open
Crack it Open

If all we are is flesh and bone
Blood and sweat and chromosomes
What is this that I feel
Bubbling inside of me

Something’s wrong in my ribs
Breaking out but nothing gives
What is it that’s loosening
Struggling and fighting free

On this rock sitting by the ocean
Watching but it doesn’t do a thing
Stupid wave rolling in and out
Aimlessly endlessly boring

Press your head to my chest
Verify I exist
For all I know there’s only
Cotton balls inside of me

Split it wide crack it open
Something’s wrong something’s broken
Maybe in the splintering
I’ll become what I should be

On the shore waiting for the sunset
Hoping but it’s sitting there defiant
Orange ball willfully determined
Balancing perched on the horizon

I wrecked myself like a ship
Now this hull rusts on the beach
I am hollowed out and void
Drowning in this new defeat
Track Name: I Could Write You
I Could Write You

Cars all abandoned the breakwater fails
I’ll move to the mountains and sweat the details

Stars misaligning fault lines are bulging
What evil author enjoys such indulging

I don’t know if we’ll survive
Some days I feel I could write you… back alive

My teeth are cracking hair nearly gone
The memory is lapsing but I play along

I thought I knew what the world was
It seems like a man does what a man does

I don’t know if we’ll survive
Some days I feel I could write you… back alive

Sometimes I’ll look at these people
Walking the streets like zombies
And remember the heat that collected
Between our sleeping bodies
Track Name: This Avalanche
This Avalanche

I’ve been shouting at the stars for the last couple hours
Filling up the compost with decomposing flowers
Looking through the drawers somewhere is the secret
Message that you wrote me I’m sure you meant to leave it

There’s a million things to do but I’m starting and I’m stopping
Dragging out equipment with all the neighbors gawking
There’s no way to ascribe to this reality you’re gone
I’ll pretend you’re on vacation and hope they play along

I know I can’t roll over onto your side of the bed
For fear I might awake you or hurt your peanut head
I don’t know how the heat works or when to pay the bills
It feels like there’s an avalanche of all your stupid pills

Talking to your family on the phone just makes me cry
Every realization feels like some surprise
Drowning in the shadows in the swath you left behind
Wallowing like a hippo in this life now undefined

It’s so hard without you near me to drift off into sleep
I know I won’t be able to wash these dirty sheets
Listening for your breathing and the sounds you used to make
Wishing I could hold you as I lay here wide awake

I know I can’t roll over onto your side of the bed
For fear I might awake you or hurt your peanut head
I don’t know how the heat works or when to pay the bills
It feels like there’s an avalanche of all your stupid pills
Sometimes in the mornings I hear you breathing still
Track Name: The Body Heals
The Body Heals

I wasn’t ready no matter how much steeling myself I endeavored
Would you show me how to live through this worst year ever

Watching men work on the new bridge
God they look so cold and unprotected
As the snow falls on the water
Swirls around and disappears in seconds
Hey Elissa I need consoling
But no one wants a man who cries so easy
I’ve been walking losing my bearings
Never felt this hollowed out completely


Wish I could mend this broken heart
The way my body heals when I get wounded (injured)
I saw her dwindle through the long year
There’s a fragile strength in what she did

I wasn’t ready no matter how much steeling myself I endeavored
Would you show me how to live through this worst year ever

All those people across the river
They don’t even notice she’s gone missing
When it’s snowing there’s a quiet
Sometimes you can hear it if you listen
Watching light fade from the bleak sky
Never growing used to how it changes
Misanthropic hyperbolic
I guess I’m going through all of the stages

I thought that I knew loss and losing
But now I think I’m ready to concede
I am barren raw and muted
I’m not the same machine I used to be

All those meteors and things lost to the fire
You’ve been posting makes my miss you
I’ve been flailing it’s been a while
Sorry I retreated and withdrew
Track Name: I Don't Know the World
I Don’t Know the World

It never goes to dark the way it once got dark
The way the night would tear a day apart
It never feels as quiet like I remember quiet
The way a kid could slither up inside it

I feel heavy from the rain it's like that some days

Looking for some proof stretching like this light
Across the water reaching through the night
I don’t understand the way the world was formed
If there’s a god it seems they’ve been adjourned

There’s the water down below beckoning me so

My heart is a broken bottle rattling in a paper bag
I’m looking for a brand new bottom greedy for what we had

This life seems so thick I know I shouldn’t hide
It’s hard to look across this great divide
I guess we reminisce more as we go on
I don’t know the world now that you’re gone

It’s the new reality help me burn away this body
Help me burn away
Track Name: All This Everything
All This Everything

I’ve been watching you Sorry it’s taken
So long for me to write
I see the new couch Watch the cats play
You in our bed at night

I’m fine I’m okay don’t worry

I know you’re hollow I see you struggle
When you’re sad you tend to hide
Take a shower Put some pants on
Maybe you should get outside

I stuck around as long as I could
But I was already gone
I knew it would be harder for you love
But I know you’re strong

I’ve been out walking With my father
It’s so lovely having time
Here comes Ida my sister Dru
Now I see the whole design

I’m fine I’m okay Don’t worry

Electricity Still flows between us
It just takes another form
You’re still my ally You’re my everything
You made me feel so safe and warm

I stuck around as long as I could
But I was already gone
I knew it would be harder for you love
But I know you’re strong
Track Name: Live it Again
Live it Again

Woke up too early stayed in the sheets
You like a mummy snuggled beneath

Your shaven head rough to the touch
It felt like I couldn’t love you enough

Tangle of sunlight slipped through the window
As I was counting days we had known
I traced my finger across your thin lip
Wishing your sickness ignored all the scripts

Wanted a photo to capture it then
Knew that I’d never live it again
If I could go back I’d set it straight
(If I had powers I would retrace weight waste)
Bottle that moment stop time in place
Track Name: Come See Me
Come See Me

Hey Pam, the magnolia is bursting
Shooting out like popcorn Spring is here for certain

Today I had the windows open to let inside some air
Skittering around the house I feel so unprepared

This year seemed like an eternity
I don’t understand how you moved so fearlessly
Watching as the world explodes feeling it’s effects
Despite the way I’ve steeled myself somehow I’m so wrecked

These cats wandering confused
Thinking that you’re hiding searching room to room
Looking through the photographs to gather for your service
Somehow in the scope of this I forgot my purpose
I forgot my purpose

Hey Pam where are you right now
Will you come and see me the way we talked about
Watching every bird I see hoping for a sign
Knowing there will be some gift revealed to me in time
Track Name: Stripped Away
Stripped Away

I used to be a real good time But I guess that it’s hard to see
I must seem a shell of myself When you look at me
I swear I was a real good time

I never felt cold at night I didn’t lay in bed til noon
Pretending that no one knows Now I’m so consumed
But I used to be a pretty good time

What do you see when you look at me now
It must seem a little bizarre
I hope you don’t look too hard
Everybody hides a little bit of themselves
Now I’m all stripped away
Drowning in the what remains

I used to be a real good time But how would anybody know
All we did was mess around It feels so long ago
I used to be a real good time

Cape Breton in the fall Cabin at the water’s edge
Me and my corny jokes You and your shaven head
We used to have a pretty good time

What do you see when you look at me now
It must seem a little bizarre
I hope you don’t look too hard
Everybody hides a little bit of themselves
Now I’m all stripped away
Drowning in the what remains
God you were so sublime
We used to have a pretty good time
Track Name: Haunt Me
Haunt Me

It’s so dark tonight
I can barely see
Something in the thick of this
Helps me to believe

Show yourself my love
I know that you’re close
You said you’d be haunting me
You would be my ghost

I said I’d keep you safe
And that I’d never leave
Sorry I couldn’t protect you
From that disease

The way the wind
Seems to call your name
There’s so much mystery
In this what remains

Are you the spotted owl
Hiding out of sight
I need to see you love
Show yourself tonight

I said I’d keep you safe
And that I’d never leave
Sorry I couldn’t protect you
From that disease
Forgive me my love please

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