1. |
My Every Cell
04:10
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My Every Cell
I was forged in blood and sperm and smoke and sweat
On the night my mother and my father met
Though they never got to have their dance
I am grateful for the confluence of chance
I’ve been walking through these woods for near a week
Haven’t seen a soul or had to speak
Though my mind can be a twisted well
I am vibrating within my every cell
Let me be the blood that courses through your veins
The engine that will drag these rusted ragged trains
Let me be the muscles of your straining heart
That keep the thing from blowing all apart
Blowing all apart
Sometimes when the moonlight hits just so
The branches of the trees begin to glow
The cacophony of night nearly subsides
And I feel some gently swaying like the tides
Jeremy your words are still resounding
Even when my head and heart are pounding
Time and circumstance took you away
I think about you nearly every day
Let me be the blood that courses through your veins
The engine that will drag these rusted ragged trains
Let me be the muscles of your straining heart
That keep the thing from blowing all apart
Blowing all apart
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2. |
Unknowable
03:50
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Unknowable
A Ray of light breaks through parted clouds
Illuminates the ragged barn
And the horses standing idly
Looking out across the farm
Though I clearly heard the words you spoke
Might have missed the implication
Thought you said that we were drowning here
Now I know I was mistaken
Where I saw some natural ending
You supposed a new beginning
Nobody was right this time
Walking through the pines in early dusk
You hold your hand out as a gun
I fall down and writhe upon the ground
You walk close and shoot again
You once said I was unknowable
And that my mind was like a well
I may have called your heart an iceberg
That I had hoped to one day melt
Where I saw some natural ending
You supposed a new beginning
Nobody was right this time
You want to excise every memory
Erase the things you can’t forget
These eight months here at your uncle’s house
Taught me more than I’d admit
You find forgiveness in the smallest ways
Wrapped up tightly like a gift
Where I saw some natural ending
You supposed a new beginning
Nobody was right this time
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3. |
Atoms
04:30
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Atoms
We’re all gonna die she said then raised her fist to sky
Toward some unseen deity then laughingly fell to the ground
And high as I was it got me a little bit scared
I’ll admit drawn to affliction and the darker side of the road
Then Haley pulled off her pants and ran like she was on fire
She looked like the Flash like a blur like everywhere all at once
Spinning slow on the merry-go-round I leaned back and looked at the stars
And swore to god that I’d get right
The constellations were dancing quiet and I saw ones that I’d never known
And watched the tiniest atoms collide
I sat up and took off my shoes walked the path to the lake
Staring down at my feet and the trail I carved through the snow
Everything stretched and recoiled as I finally got to the water
I looked up and saw through the dark someone floating away
I disrobed then dove without thought the cold like a blade through my lungs
Then Haley’s laugh in my ears she started swimming to me
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4. |
Doing Time
04:17
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Doing Time
Is there something wrong she asked At the table hands clasped
Is there anything at all that I can do
Sorry love I said I’ve got spiders in my head
And my mind is tangled as a web
Sit by me she coaxed And lit up her last smoke
Took a drag then passed it off to me
Let’s get in the truck And drive back to Kentucky
Leave all this behind Feels like doing time
The night came on quick Like it always did
But the lights from the shipyard Burned so clear and hard
Annabelle my dear I don’t belong here
I told you on the day that we arrived
I stepped to the porch To feel the coming storm
Hoping she would follow me and sit
But she got on the phone Called my brother John
Who always knows exactly what to do
When he arrived I broke down and cried
And Annabelle I heard her crying too
Let’s get in the truck And drive back to Kentucky
Leave all this behind Feels like doing time
The night came on quick Like it always did
But the lights from the shipyard Burned so clear and hard
John in that strange glow Surrounded by some halo
Pulled me to his body like a child
We went back inside I’m all right I lied
And closed the door to keep the cold at bay
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5. |
Lydia's Song
02:10
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Lydia’s Song
I’m watching snowflakes falling
Filter through the sky
Sometimes I get so nervous
Ice skating at night
I can’t believe I’m ten years old
Seeing time and space unfold
Our neighbors on the lake
Horses pull the bobhouse
Thick breath hangs in the air
I’m close as they’ll allow
I’m the strongest girl alive
Shooting stars swim in my eyes
I’m the strongest girl alive
Shooting stars swim in my eyes
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6. |
Quiet Escape
03:53
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Quiet Escape
I couldn’t keep you the way you would be kept
Watched outside through the window where you slept
Quietly I sang my sad song
As the owl and the crickets sang along
Your father awake in the living room next door
Glow of his cigarette dancing like a whore
Slowly I lifted the window
Stepped from the cold winter snow
Pulled off my coat and laid it on the chair
Got undressed and I mimed the lord’s prayer
Putting my fingers to your neck
Watched my muscles strain and flex
Muffled through the walls I heard your father’s call
Charlotte my grace are you okay
I held in my breath as the light left your head
And breathed in the air you expelled
Then through the door your father like a bear
Eyes all agape as he saw us laying there
Quickly I dove through the window
As the glass shattered there below
Out in the night amidst the moon and stars
Your father’s voice ringing from afar
Hauntingly echoed through my brain
As I made my quiet escape
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7. |
More Real
05:15
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More Real
Had a pretty good situation With a neighbor on the second floor
She had a kid away at school And liked to dance over at the grange hall
We spun around on Saturday nights End up sweating in her bed
She worked the counter at Petey’s grill And would always be gone by light
I’d wake up to the neighborhood punks Bellowing on the front stoop
Her cat never trusted me much Staring from the fire escape
And sure I got to looking at her old letters
Stashed in her winter sweaters
I learned some things I should never have known
Made me feel even more alone
Made me miss how I used to feel
When everything felt so real
My mother still calls my phone Though I almost never pick it up
Still it’s nice to hear her voice Talking how I used to talk
Some days my shoes feel tight Though I haven’t had a drink in a while
Still I think about it all the time Like Looking for a place to drown
And in the mornings all by myself Laying in the dirty sheets
I remember when I moved away With everything still ahead
And yeah I might have skimmed through her diary
But didn’t read it entirely
I learned some things I couldn’t believe
Made me feel like I’m a thief
Made me miss how I used to feel
When everything felt more real
I used to wanna live in Spain Sleep through the afternoons
Sangria on the terrace Looking out over the water
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8. |
Scattershot
05:36
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Scattershot
Holed up in some shitty old motel
Wallowing in books and putrid smells
Living off of stolen credit cards
Cutting up your Haldol into thirds
A poor vacation a meditation a pause
Every day the evening comes on quick
You can’t remember anything you did
Latency has made your hunger larger
Drawing through the night like Henry Darger
Sleeping in your clothes outcome presupposed and true
Weeks fly scattershot in the sky
Hoping somehow you’ll survive
Waiting out the passing storm
Like a butterfly you’ll transform
But you grow ugly and sour and bent
The nature of the solitude you bear
Burns like ether hanging in the air
That kid was all that you had going on
Now he’s in Tacoma with his mom
You left Tennessee like a clemency from jail
Waiting for some god to reappear
Yelling like a drunken auctioneer
Solitaire and whiskey and tv
Trying to remember to believe
Thoughts like sluggish bees flying wildly then fall
There’s something in the way these people live
That seems a revelation or a gift
Solitude and silence will make you whole
Vacuum out the cobwebs in your soul
And get you right again
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9. |
Stupid Moon
03:33
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Stupid Moon
I’m like a fire tonight
A recipe for disaster
The stupid pale moon reminds me of everything
All that I try to forget
Waiting outside with your lit cigarette
And I’m inside the house tearing things down
Camping in Utah crossing the river
Watching these leaves fall
Longing and wailing wishing for something
Or nothing at all
I’m hungry I’m famished
My appetite insatiable
I don’t trust myself with anything breakable
Cause I break everything
And you were so you so delicate
All of the good things are always so brittle
Tonight I’m a carnival I’m like a hurricane
Of chaos and pain
I’ll break the surface tear myself open
Scatter the remains
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10. |
Everyone's Empty
06:46
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Everyone’s Empty
I was turning in bed
Splintering thoughts in my head
Praying to a god with deafening ears
Wishing to disappear
I realize it’s fruitless Everything’s useless
I’m always holding my breath
Replay the words that you said
Revising editing changing the script
Waiting for something to shift
I realize I’m guilty Everyone’s filthy
The way the night poisons my mind
Shifts my certainty slows down time
Fortify your resolve
Listen to quivering walls
Hold back the urge to scream at the world
Embrace the absurd
I realize I’m empty Everything tempts me
I made some mistakes
Repeated them every day
Accepted a path busted my ass
Living the role I was cast
I realize my quandary Everyone’s empty
The way the night poisons my mind
Shifts my certainty slows down time
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burst & bloom records Maine
Burst & Bloom is a small, independent record label and book publisher based in Kittery and Bath, ME.
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