1. |
Hollow Reminders
05:24
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Hollow Reminders
Biliary I learned a new word today
Peritoneal I’ve lost all my feeling
I know it’s a tired cliché
But I want to sleep all day
You played your cards so strong
It’s hard to see it go wrong
I guess luck trumps everything
Clear cell rings like a shuddering bell
Taxol Avastin Carboplatin
I know that it’s too hard to eat
I’ll put on some water for tea
When I heard of the trouble
This skill I’ve honed like a muscle
Seemed utterly inadequate
A hollow reminder of how heat leaves a body
The tenuous nature of us delicate creatures
Sacrum do you even have one
Indefinite I hate that I heard that
I know you’re feeling afraid
I wish I could take your pain
It’s all so damn surreal
And so super real
I hope it stops feeling this way
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2. |
I Called it First
06:03
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I Called it First
Limping home from the show tonight
I guess I forgot what cold was like
Seems summer leaked into Autumn
Now Winter’s finally come
Looking through the frosted glass
Of the houses along my path
Couples wrapped up like candy bars
They don’t know how sick you are
Remembering places we’ve lived
Seeing the Memorial Bridge
I still miss the rusted old one
And the way it came undone
Seems everybody leaves this place
Even the birds have gone away
Talking this morning about your funeral
It seemed almost humorous
It’s been thirty years since I left New York
I don’t know why I forget how seasons work
Tonight with the air slipping inside of me
I question this reality
Remember in the grass by the North Church
I called I got to leave first
Walking home as the bells ring
I can’t imagine what this year will bring
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3. |
Such Possibility
04:18
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Such Possibility
You pull the leaves from this Hickory Tree
And I’ll say a prayer to the sky
All this connection this quiet resurrection
Knowing not what to decide
All of these rituals seem so habitual
I’m hardly working my hands
Drop what we’re wearing sleep in the clearing
Feeling the way we expand
There’s static in the air
Feel electricity race through your hair
I know you’re indisposed
But such possibility hovers so close
Off in the distance a blossoming vision
Watching the moon crest the trees
I swear in this half light out in the warm night
Something could make me concede
Here at the precipice you in a purple dress
Laying this body to waste
Lovely and tender a thought half remembered
I’m caught in this tangle we face
There’s static in the air
Feel electricity race through your hair
I know you’re indisposed
But such possibility hovers so close
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4. |
Hospital Days
05:06
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Hospital Days
I’m not eating so well I’m not taking care of myself
A country in decline ravaged by time
These hospital days leave me afraid
Driving home alone whittled down to bones
And I look for you but you’re not here
I slip out of my shoes get the cats some food
Turn on the TV and try and fall asleep
Laying on the couch deserted in our house
Imagining your body rid of this disease
And I look for you but you’re not here
These little pills don’t do a thing to switch me off
I’m like a puddle ever listless growing soft
Sweating from the heat ready to concede
I try and clear my brain cluttered and constrained
With my eyes swollen shut I’ve had about enough
I hear a subtle noise sounding like your voice
And I look for you but you’re not here
How could you disappear
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5. |
This In Between
03:46
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This In Between
I can’t let go of this fading rainbow
It’s a timeless fleeting moment
Can you see this string between us
That goes electric when we kiss
I know your body and its disease
Still there’s sunlight through the trees
In the morning though I’m not sleeping
I stare up at the peeling ceiling
I see a fortress in the birches
You keep your prayers and hollow churches
I know your body and its disease
Still there’s sunlight through the trees
If I could I’d take this thing
The way you easily took my ring
If I could I’d take your place
And watch you walk make your escape
The light dims fast I draw your bath
Touch your forehead until it’s passed
We’ll try and sleep get lost in dream
I used to love this in between
I know your body and this fucking disease
Still there’s sunlight through the trees
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6. |
Watch the World Divide
03:29
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Watch the World Divide
What would be left of me after you fall
Nothing at all
Where would I find myself if you weren’t here
I’d disappear
Hope in the shape of a bird
Fluttering high overhead
I’ll hold my hands to the sky
And watch the world divide
How did we get ourselves stuck in this place
We’ve been displaced
When will we vanquish this send it away
Bring on the day
Hope in the shape of a bird
Fluttering high overhead
I’ll hold my hands to the sky
And watch the world divide
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7. |
Christmas Lament
05:23
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Christmas Lament
Woke with a headache again
Now I’m just lying about
Don’t know what time it could be
All the clocks are wrong in this house
Christmas comes on like a flu
Neighbor’s lights dance and flicker
I watch the squirrels in the yard
As you slowly get sicker
And next we’ll leave for LA
I’ve never felt so afraid
You wonder the days go
I haven’t worked in a year
Remember the life that we had
Now everything feels so weird
Lay with your head on my lap
Outside the snow piles up
Making the world clean again
A slow subtle gift from above
Somehow there must be an answer
Fuck you god damned cancer
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8. |
Two Fronts
04:25
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Two Fronts
You’ve been fighting a war you’ve been taken prisoner
You’re caught in the crossfire I could be your ally
My eagle’s eye your womanly insight
We’ll hide in the trees waiting for this disease
My stash of guns your opium
We’ll meet this battle here on two fronts
My camouflage your sabotage
I’ll lay on the rooftop waiting for my shot
Spread out the map they’re coming back
We’re losing tree cover and might just get discovered
If it gets to hellish bite that poison pellet
I’m taking notes so I can tell it
It’s getting way too hot let’s call the bomb squad
They’re smashing our defense we need reinforcements
It’s like a circus I’m getting nervous
Build up our munitions we’re losing our position
I’m an atom bomb you’re nearly gone
We’re rolling up in mass singing victory songs
You’re fighting this war lying on the floor
And I’ll understand if you can’t take it any more
It’s so extreme but I’m on your team
And I’m not nearly ready to concede
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9. |
Frayed
05:06
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Frayed
I want to remember you in exactly this light
Oozing through the window as day bleeds into night
Forget about the chemicals like a hurricane
Seeping in through plastic tubes bubbling in your veins
Laying on this orange couch sleeping like a cat
Everything will melt away with you here in my lap
I will snap a photograph of this space in time
Lock it like a silo a bomb inside my mind
Press your head into my chest
Inside this house we made
There’s always a hook in my heart
Tugging till I’m frayed I’m afraid
Looking out into the yard at the swirling leaves
I need to clean things up before it starts to freeze
I am turning back the clock smashing it in pieces
Hoping I can stem this tide battering our beaches
Stroking your hair softly as your muscles twitch
I think about the course we’ve carved and I start to drift
When the sunlight crawls away we begin to wake
Sad I let you sleep so long but you say it’s okay
Press your head into my chest
Inside this house we made
There’s always a hook in my heart
Tugging till I’m frayed I’m afraid
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10. |
You Were a Carousel
02:51
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You Were a Carousel
I’m always stumbling somehow you righted me
Sharing this precious air always invitingly
I’m always in my head somehow you brought me out
You are the autumn wind I am a summer cloud
I don't know what to do me without you
I am an empty shell you were a carousel
It seems impossible that you could choose me
Now that you’re gone it’s all confusing
Sleep is a memory my limbs aren’t working right
I’m in a smelly swamp you are a satellite
I don't know what to do me without you
I am an empty shell you were a carousel
You will shine on me and not burn my skin
You will illuminate everything
You will be guiding me watching my every move
You’ll be the brightest light shining through
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11. |
Frozen in this Moment
07:04
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Frozen in this Moment
The dahlias you planted are blooming in the garden
Watching from the window our hearts begin to harden
I know that I’d feel better if I did what you said
It’s hard to say uncle the word gets stuck in my head
Hope is just a thing that people say
We know what they mean anyway
I know you’re better than me
And made me better by degrees
Still it’s unimaginable
To see this glass half full
Sitting in the kitchen I reach out for your hand
As things inside your body continue to expand
I can’t see a future with how things have aligned
Wishing for the power to somehow freeze time
Hope is just a thing that people say
We know what they mean anyway
I know you’re better than me
And made me better by degrees
Still it’s unimaginable
To see this glass half full
It’s getting kind of crazy
I know things need to change
Everything seems shaky
And I’m feeling deranged
Birds are in the feeder making such a racket
I’m on the guitar but I am out of practice
Lying in the grass reading your new novel
Frozen in this moment forgetting all our problems
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12. |
Light Me Up
02:49
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Light Me Up
I’m just a zombie now
All the life’s drained out
Walking these salty streets
Words stuck in my mouth
I’m just an empty shell
All my guts have spilled
Stuck in this stupor
Turning on myself
Bury me in concrete
Drop me in the sea
Light me up like fireworks
Drenched in gasoline… you’re not here
Crack this chest wide open
Hold my shriveled heart
Burn my bones as firewood
It’s getting dark
Run rope around my legs
Hang me from my feet
Free the blood that runs these veins
Dance through the trees
Bury me in concrete
Drop me in the sea
Light me up like fireworks
Drenched in gasoline… you’re not here
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13. |
Some Small Relief
06:20
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Some Small Relief
Always holed up in myself
You’re a chiming ringing bell
Wallowing inside a cage
You’re a tiger unafraid
Jealous of the strength you wield
Recognizing its appeal
I don’t know how you go on
The conclusion seems forgone
Do my best to hold you up
Even when you’ve had enough
Crumbling beneath the weight
Still you never hesitate
There’s the clock that never stops
Enduring all these stupid shots
Feeling tired and weakened
As the chemicals leak in
I can barely hold it back
All these inside job attacks
Watching as your belly grows
From intruders down below
Cold washcloth on your head
Hot and clammy from the sweat
Try and lull you into sleep
Wishing for some small relief
All the trouble you’ve endured
Hoping for some magic cure
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burst & bloom records Maine
Burst & Bloom is a small, independent record label and book publisher based in Kittery and Bath, ME.
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