Hope is the Thing with Feathers

by Guy Capecelatro III

supported by
/
  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

     $8 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD)

    This is a six panel eco pack limited release CD

    Includes unlimited streaming of Hope is the Thing with Feathers via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

     $12 USD or more

     

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
04:25
9.
05:06
10.
11.
12.
02:49
13.

about

These songs came out of a dark, dark time in my life when, last February my wife, Pam, was diagnosed with a rare and incurable form of cancer. The words still ring in my head and this past year has been terrifying and debilitating, rife with a wide range of treatments and hospital visits and a wild, roller-coaster ride of emotion. It feels so freaky unfair, given the kind of life Pam has led and how she’s affected so many with her work as an educator and as, truly, the kindest person I’ve ever known.
Through this I was writing songs but didn’t have time to record them and approached my dear friend Chris Decato about helping to realize the album. He took the bare-boned song pieces and transformed them into the album we ended up with, playing ninety-five percent of the instruments and doing all the mixing and arranging. I also enlisted my sweet and talented friends to help with singing and string arrangements.
Having no idea what the future holds, I present an album’s exploration of what this year has been like. This is, of course, dedicated to my Pam. Forever and always.

credits

released March 31, 2017

Vocals by Mara Flynn on 1, Gregg Porter on 2, Jarid del Deo on 4, Juliet Nelson on 5, Seth Gooby and Isis Alis-Gooby on 6, Jason Anderson on 7, Mike Wolstat on 8, Anne Marple on 10, Jim RIoux on 11, Jocelyn Mackenzie on 12 and Anna Vogelzang on 12. Emily Hope Price sings on 3 and plays strings on 3 and 7. Jerusha Robinson sings and plays strings on 9. Jeremy Robinson plays guitar on 9. GC III plays gtr and sings and Chris Decato sang and played all the other instruments and mixed and mastered.

Cover artwork by Diana Sudyka, inside birds and on disc by Kenley Darling. Graphic design by Michael Winters.

All songs written by Guy Capecelatro III

For Pam, forever and for always

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

burst & bloom records Portsmouth, New Hampshire

Burst & Bloom is a small, independent record label and book publisher based in Portsmouth, NH.

contact / help

Contact burst & bloom records

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Track Name: Hollow Reminders
Hollow Reminders

Biliary I learned a new word today
Peritoneal I’ve lost all my feeling
I know it’s a tired cliché
But I want to sleep all day

You played your cards so strong
It’s hard to see it go wrong
I guess luck trumps everything

Clear cell rings like a shuddering bell
Taxol Avastin Carboplatin
I know that it’s too hard to eat
I’ll put on some water for tea

When I heard of the trouble
This skill I’ve honed like a muscle
Seemed utterly inadequate

A hollow reminder of how heat leaves a body
The tenuous nature of us delicate creatures

Sacrum do you even have one
Indefinite I hate that I heard that
I know you’re feeling afraid
I wish I could take your pain

It’s all so damn surreal
And so super real
I hope it stops feeling this way
Track Name: I Called it First
I Called it First

Limping home from the show tonight
I guess I forgot what cold was like
Seems summer leaked into Autumn
Now Winter’s finally come
Looking through the frosted glass
Of the houses along my path
Couples wrapped up like candy bars
They don’t know how sick you are

Remembering places we’ve lived
Seeing the Memorial Bridge
I still miss the rusted old one
And the way it came undone
Seems everybody leaves this place
Even the birds have gone away
Talking this morning about your funeral
It seemed almost humorous

It’s been thirty years since I left New York
I don’t know why I forget how seasons work
Tonight with the air slipping inside of me
I question this reality
Remember in the grass by the North Church
I called I got to leave first
Walking home as the bells ring
I can’t imagine what this year will bring
Track Name: Such Possibility
Such Possibility

You pull the leaves from this Hickory Tree
And I’ll say a prayer to the sky
All this connection this quiet resurrection
Knowing not what to decide

All of these rituals seem so habitual
I’m hardly working my hands
Drop what we’re wearing sleep in the clearing
Feeling the way we expand

There’s static in the air
Feel electricity race through your hair
I know you’re indisposed
But such possibility hovers so close

Off in the distance a blossoming vision
Watching the moon crest the trees
I swear in this half light out in the warm night
Something could make me concede

Here at the precipice you in a purple dress
Laying this body to waste
Lovely and tender a thought half remembered
I’m caught in this tangle we face

There’s static in the air
Feel electricity race through your hair
I know you’re indisposed
But such possibility hovers so close
Track Name: Hospital Days
Hospital Days

I’m not eating so well I’m not taking care of myself
A country in decline ravaged by time
These hospital days leave me afraid
Driving home alone whittled down to bones

And I look for you but you’re not here

I slip out of my shoes get the cats some food
Turn on the TV and try and fall asleep
Laying on the couch deserted in our house
Imagining your body rid of this disease

And I look for you but you’re not here

These little pills don’t do a thing to switch me off
I’m like a puddle ever listless growing soft

Sweating from the heat ready to concede
I try and clear my brain cluttered and constrained
With my eyes swollen shut I’ve had about enough
I hear a subtle noise sounding like your voice

And I look for you but you’re not here
How could you disappear
Track Name: This In Between
This In Between

I can’t let go of this fading rainbow
It’s a timeless fleeting moment
Can you see this string between us
That goes electric when we kiss

I know your body and its disease
Still there’s sunlight through the trees

In the morning though I’m not sleeping
I stare up at the peeling ceiling
I see a fortress in the birches
You keep your prayers and hollow churches

I know your body and its disease
Still there’s sunlight through the trees

If I could I’d take this thing
The way you easily took my ring
If I could I’d take your place
And watch you walk make your escape

The light dims fast I draw your bath
Touch your forehead until it’s passed
We’ll try and sleep get lost in dream
I used to love this in between

I know your body and this fucking disease
Still there’s sunlight through the trees
Track Name: Watch the World Divide
Watch the World Divide

What would be left of me after you fall
Nothing at all
Where would I find myself if you weren’t here
I’d disappear

Hope in the shape of a bird
Fluttering high overhead
I’ll hold my hands to the sky
And watch the world divide

How did we get ourselves stuck in this place
We’ve been displaced
When will we vanquish this send it away
Bring on the day

Hope in the shape of a bird
Fluttering high overhead
I’ll hold my hands to the sky
And watch the world divide
Track Name: Christmas Lament
Christmas Lament

Woke with a headache again
Now I’m just lying about
Don’t know what time it could be
All the clocks are wrong in this house

Christmas comes on like a flu
Neighbor’s lights dance and flicker
I watch the squirrels in the yard
As you slowly get sicker

And next we’ll leave for LA
I’ve never felt so afraid

You wonder the days go
I haven’t worked in a year
Remember the life that we had
Now everything feels so weird

Lay with your head on my lap
Outside the snow piles up
Making the world clean again
A slow subtle gift from above

Somehow there must be an answer
Fuck you god damned cancer
Track Name: Two Fronts
Two Fronts

You’ve been fighting a war you’ve been taken prisoner
You’re caught in the crossfire I could be your ally
My eagle’s eye your womanly insight
We’ll hide in the trees waiting for this disease

My stash of guns your opium
We’ll meet this battle here on two fronts

My camouflage your sabotage
I’ll lay on the rooftop waiting for my shot
Spread out the map they’re coming back
We’re losing tree cover and might just get discovered

If it gets to hellish bite that poison pellet
I’m taking notes so I can tell it

It’s getting way too hot let’s call the bomb squad
They’re smashing our defense we need reinforcements
It’s like a circus I’m getting nervous
Build up our munitions we’re losing our position

I’m an atom bomb you’re nearly gone
We’re rolling up in mass singing victory songs
You’re fighting this war lying on the floor
And I’ll understand if you can’t take it any more

It’s so extreme but I’m on your team
And I’m not nearly ready to concede
Track Name: Frayed
Frayed

I want to remember you in exactly this light
Oozing through the window as day bleeds into night
Forget about the chemicals like a hurricane
Seeping in through plastic tubes bubbling in your veins

Laying on this orange couch sleeping like a cat
Everything will melt away with you here in my lap
I will snap a photograph of this space in time
Lock it like a silo a bomb inside my mind

Press your head into my chest
Inside this house we made
There’s always a hook in my heart
Tugging till I’m frayed I’m afraid

Looking out into the yard at the swirling leaves
I need to clean things up before it starts to freeze
I am turning back the clock smashing it in pieces
Hoping I can stem this tide battering our beaches

Stroking your hair softly as your muscles twitch
I think about the course we’ve carved and I start to drift
When the sunlight crawls away we begin to wake
Sad I let you sleep so long but you say it’s okay

Press your head into my chest
Inside this house we made
There’s always a hook in my heart
Tugging till I’m frayed I’m afraid
Track Name: You Were a Carousel
You Were a Carousel

I’m always stumbling somehow you righted me
Sharing this precious air always invitingly
I’m always in my head somehow you brought me out
You are the autumn wind I am a summer cloud

I don't know what to do me without you
I am an empty shell you were a carousel

It seems impossible that you could choose me
Now that you’re gone it’s all confusing
Sleep is a memory my limbs aren’t working right
I’m in a smelly swamp you are a satellite

I don't know what to do me without you
I am an empty shell you were a carousel

You will shine on me and not burn my skin
You will illuminate everything
You will be guiding me watching my every move
You’ll be the brightest light shining through
Track Name: Frozen in this Moment
Frozen in this Moment

The dahlias you planted are blooming in the garden
Watching from the window our hearts begin to harden
I know that I’d feel better if I did what you said
It’s hard to say uncle the word gets stuck in my head

Hope is just a thing that people say
We know what they mean anyway

I know you’re better than me
And made me better by degrees
Still it’s unimaginable
To see this glass half full

Sitting in the kitchen I reach out for your hand
As things inside your body continue to expand
I can’t see a future with how things have aligned
Wishing for the power to somehow freeze time

Hope is just a thing that people say
We know what they mean anyway

I know you’re better than me
And made me better by degrees
Still it’s unimaginable
To see this glass half full

It’s getting kind of crazy
I know things need to change
Everything seems shaky
And I’m feeling deranged

Birds are in the feeder making such a racket
I’m on the guitar but I am out of practice
Lying in the grass reading your new novel
Frozen in this moment forgetting all our problems
Track Name: Light Me Up
Light Me Up

I’m just a zombie now
All the life’s drained out
Walking these salty streets
Words stuck in my mouth

I’m just an empty shell
All my guts have spilled
Stuck in this stupor
Turning on myself

Bury me in concrete
Drop me in the sea
Light me up like fireworks
Drenched in gasoline… you’re not here

Crack this chest wide open
Hold my shriveled heart
Burn my bones as firewood
It’s getting dark

Run rope around my legs
Hang me from my feet
Free the blood that runs these veins
Dance through the trees

Bury me in concrete
Drop me in the sea
Light me up like fireworks
Drenched in gasoline… you’re not here
Track Name: Some Small Relief
Some Small Relief

Always holed up in myself
You’re a chiming ringing bell
Wallowing inside a cage
You’re a tiger unafraid

Jealous of the strength you wield
Recognizing its appeal
I don’t know how you go on
The conclusion seems forgone

Do my best to hold you up
Even when you’ve had enough
Crumbling beneath the weight
Still you never hesitate

There’s the clock that never stops
Enduring all these stupid shots
Feeling tired and weakened
As the chemicals leak in

I can barely hold it back
All these inside job attacks
Watching as your belly grows
From intruders down below

Cold washcloth on your head
Hot and clammy from the sweat
Try and lull you into sleep
Wishing for some small relief
All the trouble you’ve endured
Hoping for some magic cure